“You’re right” Admits Your Chairman

Your Chairman has this afternoon admitted that “you’re right” following another disappointing transfer deadline day for your club.

After failing to invest significantly at the halfway point in the season, your chairman was subject to a barrage of abuse on social media which also threatens to spill out into obscene chanting and picketing outside of your stadium.

Speaking from a yacht in the Bahamas, your chairman was upfront when tackling the criticism coming his way.

“You know what, you’re right. I probably could have spunked a few mill on Berahino, butA man swimming off his luxury yacht I just didn’t really fancy it.

I know, I know, you pay your hard earned money blah blah, but no one has forced you to. Show me where the price of admission guarantees you anything other than a seat at a match.”

Taking a moment to crack open a bottle of Armand de Brignac, your chairman offered these words of solace.

“Look, right now, I’m enjoying life. You have your sense of belonging, your hallowed shirt, badge, turf and all that, where as I just have your money. It seems like a fair enough trade. And let’s be honest, loads of you only go to half of these games so you can feel superior to other fans anyway. Midweek against Sunderland? ‘Church’ my arse.

There’s a long enough queue for tickets if you decide not to come back. Go on, find yourself a nice pub, or watch a dodgy stream at home. The Americans manage to support us just fine and they’re watching us in bars at 6-7 in the morning. Most of them don’t even have a clue what’s going on either, believe me, I met a load of them during that pre-season tour.

Besides, it’s not as if I’m Mike Ashley, although he spent a load in January so he’s probably a bad example, but you know what I mean.”