Fan Really Wants Club to Sign Player.

It has been confirmed that a fan of a Premier League football team, really wants his club to sign a player on Deadline Day.

The news has come as a blow to football writers and sarcastic social media commentators, who have previously stated that Deadline Day is ‘a load of vacuous theatrics’. It is to be believed that the fan does not care.

Flying in the face of a logic that dictates Deadline Day to be no more than a simple exercise in bookmakers and click-hungry digital media outlets whipping up a frenzy for their own gain, the fan still does not care. MysterySigning

Despite having no clear idea of what his side is missing other than “a few more goals” or “a bit of extra bite in midfield” the fan is adamant that his club must spring into life before the transfer window slams shut.

“I don’t really have anyone in mind that I’d like us to buy, but I want us to buy someone. We were linked to some player from France in the Evening Standard the other week, perhaps he’s good?

Don’t get me wrong, I realise that I’m not there at training, or know what promises have been made behind closed doors to certain players or staff, but, you can never have enough options.

I don’t really even have a firm idea of what the club’s finances are, but I do know that we usually look alright on Deloitte infographics.

Basically, I hope that some bloke who’s had a decent-ish career up until this point can provide a bit of spark to push us from 14th to 11th in the table, I’m not asking for Messi. Messi would be good though.

At the very least, he might pop up with another screamer like the one he probably scored in the Europa League once. I’ll check YouTube later.

I just want something new. Please?”