Life Without Football

Leading researchers from Staffordshire polytechnic have today published studies that reveal “life without football is shit.”

Following the close of the football season, several test subjects were tested for increased levels of boredom, depression and general loathing of everything.

Data was collected whilst subjects performed a number of tasks including doing the hoovering, making sandwiches and using public transport.

“I find myself going on Twitter a lot to see what other people like myself are doing without football. Kind of like for support or whatever.” Said Steve, a bricklayer from Essex.

“But without football acting as a bridge between us, I see most people that use Twitter for what they really are. Boring twats.”

Sandra, a mother of three from Swindon, added “I can’t take it any more. F1, tennis, cricket none of it helps.

Seeing the papers try to make out like anyone actually cares about the Under-21s made me want to roll the sport supplement I was reading tightly and start stabbing it into the eye sockets of anyone coughing incessantly on train I was on at the time.”