Tottenham Given Bale Warning Signs

Bale

Bale is top banana

Months of building work on an infantile chimp enclosure, attached to Welsh wing sensation Gareth Bale’s house, was a clear indication that the Tottenham star was expecting a new arrival according to a leading primate expert.

Chelsea fans delightedly welcomed the news that Bale would be missing from Saturday’s crunch tie at White Hart Lane, after it was revealed that his partner was going into labour shortly before kick-off. The shell-shocked supporters at Tottenham however, were less than enthusiastic to hear the news, many turning to Twitter to voice their disapproval.

However a leading zoologist, who has held extensive consultation sessions with Bale over the course of the past several months, has moved quickly to defend the Welsh star. Sue Rumplesbottom, one of London Zoo’s leading ape experts has blamed the club, for failing to apply foresight ahead of the birth of Bale’s first child.

“It’s been no secret that his partner has been expecting. He (Bale) called me several months ago in order to look over the plans for an extension to his already ample enclosure. Gareth really wanted to make sure that his extension would contain everything a young chimp would need. There’s a mini tyre swing, an abacus, and a dated looking computer thing for those memory games that you see scientists playing with monkeys and stuff.”

This has done little to placate the angry Tottenham faithful following their loss to Chelsea. Besieged with abuse, accusations of disloyalty and question marks about where his priorities lie, Bale was quick to address the social media masses from his @garethbale11 account, with a heartfelt response;

“Not great result yesterday! Important for the lads to kick on after the match! Another big game next week!”

The club have refused to comment on growing speculation that chairman Daniel Levy is less than impressed with Chelsea flop André Villas Boas for not sufficiently pressing the importance of practising safe sex on the players.

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