Spurs manager Andre Villas-Boas is reportedly furious that Luka Modric has declined to participate in the club’s tour of America, claiming “his mind wasn’t in the right place”.

The Croatian midfielder is eagerly pushing for a move to Real Madrid, who have expressed an interest in the player, but are reluctant to meet Tottenham’s valuation of £38 million for him. However Tottenham are in no rush to sell the talented midfielder, as his contract does not expire until 2016, and will not sell him for less than he’s worth.

Villas-Boas said: ‘I asked him, “Where is your mind? You need to go and find it, cause you’re going to need to pack it for America”. He said it was a metaphor, I said I don’t care what it is, just get it’.

Modric in action for Spurs

In an act of defiance, Luka Modric then went on to deliberately not turn up for his flight to Los Angeles with the rest of the Spurs squad. Villas-Boas has since slammed him with a fine of two weeks’ wages. Tottenham officials have told the player they will be taking further disciplinary action if he continues to dodge training.

Villas-Boas added: “He’s good, very good. But no player is too good or too big for a palmada, as we say in Portugal… I think over here you call it a spank. When I was naughty my mama gave me one, and I try to adopt the same policy with my players. When hitting him on the bottom did not work, I then hit him in the wallet. This mind-finding business has got to stop. Plenty of the other team members have also lost their minds but have come on the tour anyway. Look at Assou-Ekotto, his mind has been missing for years.”

Luka Modric is said to have begun the quest for his mind with Buddhist monks in the Nepalese mountains.

After hearing this news, a confused AVB asked “How could he have left his mind in Nepal? He’d never even been there until now?”

Former Spurs boss Harry Redknapp made a lengthy, waffling statement on the matter today, but no one knows why, as he’s not the manager anymore, and his opinion is completely irrelevant.