BREAKING NEWS: Tottenham Hotspur Football Club retire after King retirement

In a completely unprecedented move, Tottenham Hotspur have this afternoon retired as a professional football club following the retirement of club captain and talisman Ledley King.

Long live the King

“We’re sorry to announce that as of 19th July 2012, Tottenham Hotspur have retired from professional football” read a statement on the official club website.

“In light of the retirement of Ledley King this afternoon, the club have concluded that no one else here actually gives a Gooner’s arse  so we may as well pack in this football lark now.”

What has been described as an ‘astonishing’ decision by supporters groups, has been met with muted response from the players.

“Now I go sit on chair and watch the other men play football in Madrid much more easy with no baldy Dan man to say ‘more money’ to the Spanishes” Luka Modric said to the press gathered at the club’s training ground.

Benoit Assou-Ekotto addressed the public via the use of social media, Tweeting “tbh always told u I didn’t care! LOL!”

Club chairman Daniel Levy has moved to calm supporter concerns by issuing a statement of his own, “everything will continue as per usual. Club season tickets and replica shirts will be on sale in time for the start of the new season. The only real difference between this season and previous is that there will be no actual football taking place from the start of the season, as opposed to normal fashion when we wait until January to cease operating.”