Stuart Pearce on David Beckham

Psycho screaming

Dour faced coach, Stuart ‘Psycho’ Pearce, famous for missing a penalty then scoring a penalty, has today confirmed that he is literally ‘on’ David Beckham.

The former England captain is likely to miss out on the games, with falling victim to being old and having moved to America for a ‘kick-a-bout down the rec’, thought to be the reasons. But Pearce has today revealed the truth behind his absence;

“I couldn’t sleep at night, you know. I took a look at the things what David had done in his career and decided that I just wanted a piece of that.”

“You know team GB isn’t just for novelty, it’s a serious thing and a serious thing needs a serious man. By being on David, I can show people that I am that thing, well not the thing but the man thing for that serious thing. I’m not even sure what the thing is to be honest.”

Despite the many believing that Beckham is selfish to expect a  place in team GB, what with his  his countless hours spent promoting Britain to the Olympic board, lobbying ministers to get behind the bid, acting as a spokesman and face of the British Olympic bid in his capacity as one of the most globally recognisable sportsmen, showing a tireless dedication to the English national team, still possessing a high level of skill from a dead ball situation thus providing an extra element against teams particularly hard to break down, not to mention the chance to allow one of Britain’s most successful footballers of recent decades the chance to end his career in a show piece finale in the area in which he was born and raised, Pearce is still eager to be on Beckham.

“The argument is there that I could budge and get off of Beckham, but in all honesty I’m pretty comfortable on him. Since I’ve been on Beckham it seems as though people are taking me seriously. They don’t just see me as that bloke that went all red and shouted loads when I scored that penalty, I’m now Stuart Pearce, the man on Beckham.”

Whether or not Beckham will be present at the games remains to be seen, with the LA Galaxy midfielder giving little away thus far.