Rangers issue SPL counter-proposal

Following last week’s annual SPL meeting, in which it was decided that Glasgow Rangers would not be allowed to re-enter the top tier of Scottish football, the Old Firm club have issued a desperate, last minute counter-proposal.

Speaking from Ibrox Stadium, a club representative gave this statement on behalf of the Sevco board;

“Yous canny kek us oot tha leeg reet?! Any yoos gotteproblumweeeat? Yous fenk we just gun teek thes pal? Any wee bastard weeaproblum bes com reddy feer a Glasgee kess! Eh yous, stop yer cleckin wit yer snapper ye wee coont ye” before head butting  a nearby photographer.

Furious Haggis

A furious haggis

Leaving the hapless pap in a pool of blood, the club rep proceeded to lift his kilt, giving the remainder of the on looking journalists and photographers a ‘wilbo wobble’ before marching into the ground playing the bagpipes.

The somewhat impassioned plea has followed weeks of negotiations between ‘Newco Rangers’ and the SPL regarding the club’s future since their widely documented financial troubles and subsequent dissolution.

Sources believe that the Scottish Football Association are keen to avoid ‘damaging the integrity of the Scottish game’ by adhering to ‘pansy’, drawn out, legal formalities instead favouring the clubs to settle the matter “once and for all” with a mass brawl.