The Future is Here: Season 12/13 Review

Thanks to one of our reporters who also works at the Large Hadron Collider (play along), we here at Really Like Football have managed to gain a world exclusive glimpse into the future and bring you…


Season 2012/13 Round-Up

And what a season it’s been! Here are Really Like Football’s memorable moments from what has been an eventful and exciting season in the Premier League.

Robin Van Persie makes his hotly anticipated Manchester City debut in their first fixture against Southampton scoring a stunning hat-trick. Unfortunately a severe leg break in the closing minutes of the game, rules him out for the remainder of the season.

Harry Redknapp starts writing a column for The Sun entitled “I’m not bitter, I’m better” where he discusses every tactical decision Andre Villas-Boas makes as manager of Tottenham. Redknapp provides in-depth analysis of how he would have done it better, raising a few question marks about his supposed “illiteracy” in the process.

Arsene Wenger’s questionable transfer policy comes under further scrutiny after attempting to secure the services of Lewis Hamilton to replace Theo Walcott following an ankle injury.

In an attempt to dispel continual allegations of racism, John Terry admits to having an affair with Diakité Lalla, wife of Didier Drogba.

Goal-line technology is introduced into the premier league but is then scrapped after just 4 games, following a disallowed goal from Wayne Rooney. The FA release a statement condemning the technology as “too fair”.

Spurs mascot Chirpy puts in a transfer request during the January transfer window. In a statement he claims that he felt sidelined by Villas-Boas’ progressive new regime. Liverpool make an offer for him, admitting that their new mascot, Mighty Red, is “foochen shet lyke”.

Mohamed Al-Fayed unveils the new refurbishments to Craven Cottage, which include the conversion of the Hammersmith End into a life-size replica façade of Hotel Adlon in Berlin, complete with waxwork figures of Michael Jackson dangling baby Prince Michael II out of the third floor window.

West Ham’s ground becomes single biggest squatter dwelling in the United Kingdom, hosting 50,000 squatters. Officials from the Hammers decline to comment on the situation, but hand out free West Ham football shirts to all of their new “season ticket holders”.

An escalated online skirmish between Emmanuel Frimpong and Joey Barton over Twitter in which Frimpong calls Barton a “poo head” culminates in fisticuffs during a QPR game at the Hawthorns, where the Arsenal midfielder is on loan. Frimpong puts Barton in a headlock and proceeds to give him a noogie. Balotelli runs onto the pitch out of nowhere and insists that the two settle their differences, whilst handing them cash and sparklers. All three players receive a three-match ban.

Chelsea fire their third manager of the season, Pep Guardiola, for “not winning the Champions League”, despite winning them the FA cup, the Premier League, and the Carling Cup. No one knows how – they played terrible football all season.